You Can't Tell Rose
by 0041523
Summary: ...or she'll have my ass on a silver platter and serve it to my mother." Rosalie walks in on Alice and Emmett, and she's more than a little angry. Rated M for Innuendo. /AH/AU/\/EdwardxBella/AlicexJasper/EmmettxRosalie/KatexGarrett/


**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. But I do have an 'Edward Poster' on my wall.**

**Just a random 1Shot I came up with a few minutes ago. . . **

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"Emmett, you need to get it in deeper!" Alice screamed.

"Well, I'm trying! God, give a guy a break, I only have so much energy yah know. . ." Emmett grumbled, shoving it deeper in the hole.

"Well then, shut up and do it harder! The others are going to be here soon!"

"Such a controlling bitch. . ."

"Shut the hell up and go faster Emmett, time is running out."

"That's a Muse song, isn't it?"

"Now is not the time, or the place,"

"Ugh, your mom!"

"Don't bring my mother into this, it's awkward."

"How is it awkward —_oof_— that one didn't want to go in,"

"Well shove it harder then Em, I don't have all day,"

"Look, why don't you go on top and try!"

"Are you dumb? I could break my back, or dislocate my shoulders!"

"Well what about me?"

"Your huge, so it shouldn't be a problem,"

"I better be getting payed for this," Emmett grumbled.

"Do you want to be payed?" Alice asked.

"It would make this a whole lot easier, I mean— God! It won't go in,"

"Then use a smaller one!"

"Doesn't that defeat the purpose? It'll take even longer!"

"Christ, you're impossible!"

"Yeah, and you're insatiable!"

"How!?"

"Well for starters— SHIT!"

"What happened? Emmett?!"

"Holy mother of Mary." Alice exclaimed, taking in the sight before her.

"Okay, you cannot tell Rose about this."

"Why not?"

"Because she'll have my ass!"

"Then why did you do it in the first place, moron!?"

"You begged me to!"

"Thanks by the way, I couldn't ask Jazz, he's over trying to calm down Kate, if you know what I mean. . ."

"This shit is all _over _me!"

"Haha,"

"I'm not cleaning this up. It's to hard," Emmett said, crossing his arms.

"That's what she said," Jacob exclaimed as he opened the door, Bella, Rosalie, Edward and Jasper behind him.

Rosalie's eye's bugged out, while Edward, Bella and Jake started laughing.

"Emmett! How could you!"

"It wasn't my fault!"

"Alice, honey, what happened?" Jasper asked walking towards her.

"I just bought you that shirt Emmett! Now you have it covered in smut!" Rosalie screamed.

Emmett just stood there, his once crisp white shirt was covered in black chimney soot.

"Well, Alice asked me to clean out her chimney because she couldn't get the fire place working properly, so she asked me and pulled out that freaking puppy dog pout of hers, and here we are, I'm sorry Rosie, forgive me?" Emmett pleaded.

"Yeah, it is technically my fault, and the chimney sweeper's but whatever. . ." Alice said, adding her two cents in.

"Well, Emmett what are you going to wear to Kate and Garrett's wedding now?"

"I don't know!" He wailed.

"I would offer one my shirts, but they wouldn't fit anyway," Edward said.

"I could give him a shirt," Jacob suggested.

"Thank you, dog," Rosalie replied.

"Why do you call me that anyway?"

"Well, I honestly don't know," Rose said, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Guys, we're going to be late," Bella said softly.

"Emmett, hurry up and shower we need to _go_!" Rosalie yelled.

"Okay, okay,"

"God, I swear sometimes, I just want to knock some sense into him. . ."

"But you love him," Jasper said.

"Shut up Jasper," she muttered.

"That's what she said," Jacob said again.

"And how exactly was that a sexual innuendo?" Edward asked incredulously.

"I don't know, I just really wanted to say that. . ."

"Idiot,"

"Moron,"

"Dumbass,"

"Yourself,"

"Thanks girls, I love how you always know how to make me feel good,"

"Well Jake, it is your fault, you do tend to walk into these things," Bella said, stating the obvious.

"Yeah, shut up."

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**Review!**

**Haha, I wrote this as a celebratory prize for myself, and I guess you guys. . . **

**What's the celebration you ask?**

**Well, I DIDN'T DIE DURING MY FIRST AID/BRONZE MEDALLION/BRONZE CROSS CRASH COURSE! **

**Yay! **


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